The Art of Saying No

The Art of Saying No by Lisa Elle

I’ve never written about this before – mostly, because I suck at this!

There’s definitely an art to saying ‘NO’.

The problem is most people say ‘YES’ when they want to say ‘NO’ or they just don’t show up and hide and avoid the situation all together, when they should have just said ‘NO’ upfront and avoided the whole hiding/no show/avoiding thing.

You’ve met people like this.

Heck, if you are honest with yourself, you are this person.

I know I am.

I have not perfected the art of saying ‘NO’! (#2021goals?!?)

You won’t ever see me no show or hide, but you will see me say ‘YES’ to some things I really don’t want to do.

Here’s why I LOVED staying at home during COVID:

I didn’t have to say ‘NO’ to any events cause they were all cancelled! YIPEE!!

And because the pressure to go to all these work meetings, work events, networking, friend events or even family events were off the calendar, I was able to live the life I really wanted to live.

Seriously, for me, it was a dream-come-true-time and I was able to focus on what really mattered to me!

Fast forward 2-3 months, and now, with the return of the restaurant and some work meetings, I am now shrinking back to the old ‘YES’ person – partly because I do enjoy going out from time to time but also because I feel bad saying ‘NO’.

I do know what happens to the person who always says ‘NO’, they stop being invited to things.

AND hence the FOMO appears. (Deep down, we all want to be like and invited to things, even if we can’t go!)

Sure, I can say ‘NO’ once, but if I say it all the time, then surely I will be ostracized from society and hence the ‘YES’ comes in to play.

I’ve had to reflect what this default ‘NO’ time (aka. hanging out at home with no where to go) has done for me – and I DO LIKE IT!

I’ve had time to work on all my projects and move them forward.

I’ve had time to plan and come up with some marketing strategies.

I’ve had time to hire and train some people to help me grow this business.

I’ve had time to work out more.

I’ve had time to do more self-care.

I’ve had the time to grow my business.

I’ve had more time for my children!

And all because I didn’t have to say ‘YES’ to things I deep down wanted to say ‘NO’ to.

The Warren Buffet quote always gets to me….

“The difference between successful people and REALLY successful people is that REALLY successful people say ‘NO’ to almost anything.”

And I can’t help but agree with him.

I’m successful.

You are successful.

But to really get to be REALLY successful, I know I will have to start saying ‘NO’.

And here’s the other thing, MAMA’s have a hard time saying ‘NO’.

Well, maybe not all the time. I can say ‘NO’ to the constant barrage of children asking me to take them for ice cream, but when they are wanting to spend time with you, I can’t say ‘NO’.

ALL the people pleasers in the world have a hard time saying ‘NO’ to anything.

After all, most of us were raised to be ‘TEAM PLAYERS’ – and while that may be good for somethings, it actually keeps you stuck in the team and forced to use the teams goals as your own, even if they aren’t in alignment with your goals.

We were trained that the ‘TEAMS’ goals are more important than our own!

We were brought up (sometimes!) that our parent’s goals, our teacher’s goals, our school’s goals, our society’s goals – are more important than our own agenda.

You have to be a little MAD to step away from ‘group think’ and follow your true path in the world.

Really, at the end of the day, if you really want to follow your own passion and desires, 99% of the time you are going to be going against the grain.

And that’s okay.

I think if anything I’ve learned is that I really liked my life when I had “nothing scheduled” outside of my home or office for a few months.

(You should also know I am a true introvert and absolutely enjoy being alone – which most people find so interesting about me – but truth be told – I NEED – like absolutely NEED 3-6 hours a day ALONE – no people, no talk. Just me – reading, writing, running, walking, listening…. I need that to enjoy my life and recharge before I go before the peoples!)

And now here’s my challenge – as life, for the most part, is back to being in person, I will have to learn how to say ‘NO’.

I caught this glimpse of how great life was when I didn’t have to say ‘NO’ and my schedule was exactly the way I wanted it, that now I have to protect that time.

I also want make a point about how this affects your money.

When you say ‘YES’ to everything, you will be broke.

Saying ‘NO’ is actually a great skill required in growing your wealth.

Chew on that…

And so here’s my message to myself, and maybe to you too…

Become a fierce protector of your time.

It’s the most valuable ASSet you have.

Learn how to say ‘NO’ and you will probably find you really like your life!

And if you are like me, and you know your purpose and what you are creating in the world, it’s a non-negotiable to make sure you protect that body of work or art by protecting your time.

When you don’t protect your time, your art will suffer.

Saying ‘NO’ is really all about protecting your precious ASSet of time and trust me when I say….

That is how you….

Live Your Legacy!

xx Lisa