I listen, read, watch, CONSUME a lot of content on self-help and business.
I’m mean, let’s be serious for a second – my dad made us listen to “MEGA MEMORY” cassette course on a road trip to Idaho when I was 13.
When I was 18, I remember driving my super hot red Honda Prelude with the sunroof open, shifting gears, listening to Anthony Robbins and Zig Ziglar on cassette, while all my friends listened to top 40. (I don’t like top 40 – or for that matter – what everyone else is doing! I always found being a follower of crowds was boring.)
So, I’m no stranger to this realm of self-help, psychology or business.
This week-end I had a crazy A-HA download on the topic of all of this.
Here’s the thing.
The week before last, I could barely get out of bed I was so depressed, stuck in a rut, and questioning everything.
Situational depression (not clinical depression – big difference!)
This happens often to me – a least one day of every month and a few times a year it will last a few days.
I’m okay to sit with it and hide out while it’s happening.
I also know how to deal, cope and use tools to help me get out of it, and I also can identify when my pity party has been enough.
When I get stuck in a rut, or situational depression, I’ve realized that I dwell on this one thing (and ought not too!) and that one thing is:
WHY
These are some of the things that go through our heads at some point in time, I’m sure we’ve all wondered these same things:
- Why is this happening to me?
- Why does life suck?
- Why is it happening for everyone else and not me?
- Why does this always happen to me?
- Why is the sky blue?
- Why are my kids so annoying today?
- Why am I sick?
- Why do I have no money?
- Why do I have no relationship / crappy relationship?
- Why can’t I lose weight?
- Why is my car so old?
- Why is my house so small?
- Why am I not where I wanted to be by now in my life?
WHY WHY WHY
And then we are down the rabbit hole.
Stuck in the not so great vortex of crap.
There are entire companies, causes, and professions where their whole goal is to figure out WHY.
I’m going to go out today, right now, right here and say this about WHY – for you personally.
ASKING WHY is not helpful.
ASKING WHY does not solve problems.
ASKING WHY leaves you stuck in the PAST.
Here’s the secret to working through situational depression or the real shitty times in our lives.
STOP ASKING WHY.
The WHY is not going to serve you going forward.
The only question to ask yourself as you move through a challenging season of your life is this word:
WHAT
What can I do to help?
What do I want to create in my life?
What is next for me?
What is one way this situation can bear fruit in the world?
Fruit – for those that don’t know what that is – is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
This fruit – that’s the stuff we are here to create in this world.
And let me tell you what happens when I get stuck in WHY.
I don’t bear any fruit in my life.
The second I can switch to WHAT.
That’s when my magic happens.
That’s when stuff gets done.
WHY IS MY HOUSE SO MESSY? – this leads into a raging fit of cleaning in anger at everyone who left a mess.
What can I do to love my space? – this leads to calm enjoyable cleaning.
Okay, so here’s where I got a little confused when I was thinking about the word WHY.
As an entrepreneur, you are taught to figure out your why.
Dig deep and figure out the WHY of your life/business – a WHY so big that it will pull you through anything.
Figuring out your WHY is different than asking WHY.
(Simon Sinek’s big TED talk/book – Start With Why is fabulous and all about figuring out your WHY, in case you missed it.)
Asking WHY will not get you results.
Asking WHY will keep you stuck.
Asking WHY will hold you down.
Asking WHY will keep you comatose on a bed full of LAYS crumbs and with an empty bottle of Pinot on your bedside watching SCANDAL re-runs.
(Keep in mind WHY is usually only asked when frustrated or correlated to a negative emotion – for example, usually one does not ask: Why is my life so amazing? or Why do I have tons of money? Great questions, but not where the average mind goes.)
Knowing your WHY will steer you right on your path to creating the life you want.
Here’s a quoteable/tweetable/memeable you can quote me on:
Knowing your WHY is different than asking WHY. – Lisa Elle
Here’s the thing that you can’t do anything about:
YOUR PAST
So STOP making your past mean something about you.
So what, you screwed up?
You messed it all up?
You have no money, no love, no relationships, no sexy hot body, not where you want to be?
SO WHAT?!
You get to take hold of the power now and go forth and create something amazing with your life.
You still have 100% of life left to live.
And tomorrow you will still have 100% of life left to live.
So my humans, my amazing loving humans:
Stop asking WHY.
Know your WHY.
And when you know your WHY, that’s when you…
Live Your Legacy!
xx Lisa
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