I am LOUSY at receiving. And I’m trying to change that.
Last week, I had a breakdown when I was running. My breakdowns usually happen when I’m running. I don’t know why that is, but I will be running sometimes and break down & cry, sob really. I think running breaks me.
On this particular run, I had finally met my breaking point on this topic of RECEIVING.
I’m so tired of resisting RECEIVING ABUNDANCE!
Okay, let me backtrack for a minute.
I am still struggling with the whole worthiness thing. STILL.
It’s been this crazy battle. There are moments I don’t feel I deserve anything. Moments that I feel I’m still not good enough. STILL.
I just want to scream! I know it’s total bullshit.
This is a HORRIBLE place to be and yet I know so many of my friends and I suffer from this in waves, through depression or through not living out our soul’s purpose or being in full self-expression and still trying to live up to the standards of the rest of the world – whatever that is?!?!
In my want/desire/need to everything I want in my life: love, joy, happiness – I somehow still don’t feel that I’m worthy or receiving.
This could be one of the worst places to be. Seriously.
It’s sad. It really is – because I see so many people as amazing greatness…but they don’t see themselves that way. I don’t see myself that way, maybe once in a while, maybe more and more now, but for years, no.
It makes me want to cry. (Things I do NOT want to pass down to my daughters!)
And money has nothing to do with it. I mean it’s something I’m working on receiving for myself personally, but there is always something we are working on when it comes to receiving – and ALL of it stems from UNWORTHINESS. (I mean unless you really didn’t believe we lived in an abundant world or that abundance existed, then I guess you could argue there isn’t really enough to go around, and maybe then it wouldn’t be a worthiness issue with you if you truly felt you had what you deserved to have, but at your souls level you kinda gotta know by now that abundance exists…right?!)
So, I do what every soul-seeker, entrepreneur, student of life does when faced with growing in a particular area: read more self-development, listen to more books, buy more courses – some I do, some I haven’t even opened yet and basically, just keep seeking to look for what is outside of me, when the secret really is that:
I really do have everything I need, right now, and I only need to look inside of me, and not for approval from the rest of the world. I also know I’m good enough – great enough JUST AS I AM – JUST AS I WAS CREATED!
HOLY MYLANTA! Can you feel that? That weight taken off my shoulders? Can you feel how freeing it is to not have to be anything else but just be yourself? And that you deserve to RECEIVE goodness, abundance – whatever that is for you?
I’m going to take it one step further around.
I’ve been struggling to receive money for ME. I mean, I’m happy to make money and pay everyone else, and like most entrepreneurs, I would happily give it all away too, but it gets tiring making lots of money and not really truly giving back to myself.
I could make millions a year right now and still be in the same place for what I’m giving to myself, which is virtually nothing!
And I know why.
It’s because, for some deep-seated reason, I don’t think I’m worthy of receiving. My business, yes, sure, but me personally – NO!
And that’s total BS and I know it, and you may be in the same boat in some area of receiving. I hope you are not, but so many of my clients, friends, fellow moms, and entrepreneurs are in this place. Somehow, many of us got this mixed up, crap message engrained in us from who knows where – Church? Parents? Too many episodes of Family Ties or Who’s the Boss? (Full House? Probably Fully House! LOL) Who knows?
Having children has opened up my eyes to see a glimpse of the love God has for us and how he wants to shower us with ABUNDANCE!
I want to spoil my children. And I do. And again and again. Even when they are little sh*t heads. I love them to infinity & beyond, and yes, I want them to have everything they ever dream of having! Of course, I don’t want them to be spoiled brats, but I do want them to know that they are worthy just by being them, without having to do anything.
Don’t you feel you want to spoil your kids or if you don’t have kids, your fur babies as much as you can?
God/Universe wants to do the same for you!
On this journey to “finding my worthiness” (or better yet, learning to just allow worthiness!), I think about how God must look at us, and how he must feel the same for all of his creation – it’s just we are the ones not allowing the gifts in! Crazy right!
Can you believe that we would do such a thing?
But we do deny receiving all the wonderful gifts: money, love, joy, peace, happiness.
And this is how we don’t allow receiving in.
- By feeling not worthy and thinking we are not worthy.
- By complaining about our lives.
- By staying in a state of lack and feeling like “things will be better when I have…..”
- By resisting.
- By not listening.
- By not accepting the gifts given to us with open hands, or not appreciating them.
BUT what have we got right now in this moment?
Another gift. Right here? Right now?
Everything about this moment, about our lives right now is exactly what we created PERFECTLY to perfection.
And you are allowed to receive this moment as perfect.
Lessons you need to learn, situations you find yourself in, people you are surrounded by.
So, if God/the Universe loves me so much and wants me to receive this beautiful gift, then who am I to deny God of giving me all the abundance He wants to pour on me?
What happens when you are in a constant state of unreceiving? Let me answer that for you!
People stop wanting to give to you. We want to give, but not to someone who isn’t grateful, and not to someone who doesn’t even want to receive the gifts we are handing them with closed hands. Imagine I hand you a gift, and you don’t turn palms up to receive it as I’m handing it to you. You are basically spitting in my face, and saying you hate my gift. So, why do we do that that with all the goodness the universe is trying to pour out on us?
So, ya, up until now, I’ve been a shitty receiver. I know that. I can’t even take a compliment well without downplaying it.
I am a great receiver. I am in receiving.
And best of all, it is GOOD to receive.
Stop being a martyr. Stop making receiving bad.
You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are worthy of receiving.
So RECEIVE it.