Here’s some shocking truth:
When you say “No” you are saying “YES” to yourself.
I only say shocking because most of us still haven’t figured this one out, yet we’ve heard it a million times.
Lately, I’ve been learning to say “No” to a few things.
I still have a LONG way to go and I’ll tell you it doesn’t FEEL good right now.
It’s not a skill I’ve ever wanted to use.
I’ve always been your “Yes” girl.
I love people, love social events, love business events – and yet, I’m forcing myself to exercise the “No” muscle.
Sure, it’s easy when there is a scheduling conflict – and then you choose the higher priority option, but when you have to choose and event over yourself…
This, for many of us people pleasers, is incredibly hard.
But here is the crazy thing.
Growing the “No” muscle, like all skills & habits, will become easier with time.
My biggest fear is that I’ll get so good at saying “No” that I will end up be ostracized from society and no longer have any friends. #truestory
“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything.”Warren Buffet
I might classify myself as a successful person on most days.
The problem is —- that I would really like to fall into the “Really Successful” category one day, and that is probably going to be a stretch for someone who says “Yes” to so many things.
You can even “over volunteer”.
Not that any of it is really bad.
Volunteering isn’t bad.
Social and Family events aren’t bad.
Business Conferences and Networking events aren’t bad.
In fact, it’s all FUN!
But I will tell you why it’s bad for you.
It’s bad for you if your soul has been requested for another project.
or said in another way…
You’re not doing your purpose work.
You are procrastinating by over-volunteering, over-connecting, over-networking, even over-working in a job that’s not for you or just over-doing all the things you know you are not called to do.
And it’s hard.
It’s sucks your entire schedule up, gnaws away at all your time and leaves you EMPTY.
Doing things that you are not called to do, that don’t align with your soul WILL in fact leave you empty.
And guess what… I see the empty, stressed out souls.
I can probably only identify them because I’m one of them.
Well, I’m aware and working on it…
TIME being the biggest thing we must protect as a non-renewable resource, and not as important is money – only because it is a renewable resource.
(Yes, there’s more money ALWAYS available to you.)
However, this whole funny “saying “No” to others is actually saying “Yes” to yourself” thing also applies to your wealth and money.
The more you say “No” to buying crap you don’t need, the more you are saying “Yes” to your future self.
Food for thought anyways.
I can say “No” to buying almost anything for myself.
It’s like a skill that comes after years and years of practice.
However, when it comes to my kids, I’m horrible.
And, I know so many parents are in the same boat.
We literally give our kids anything – you know what I mean.
This whole saying “No” thing is very difficult.
I would say men in general have an easier time with saying “No” than women. It’s like we have this natural “say YES to everything” gene programmed in us – just from what I have observed my whole life.
And what makes it really easy to say “No” is when you have clear and defined plans, goals, outcomes you are seeking.
When you do know what goal you seek, saying “No” becomes a whole lot easier because you are saying “Yes” to your goals and making yourself a priority.
Staying in alignment with your soul and your soul’s calling will be rewarding, even if at first it’s hard.
Maybe it’s time you get on the “No” train as Marie Forleo says.
Maybe it’s time you start to choose yourself over all the other stuff.
I would also say to you that I’ve heard this story for over 20 years, but just now starting to REALLY REALLY internalize it and what it means to my life to say “No” to the things pulling me away from my goals (and the people!)
The only other thing I really want to say on this topic is that the people who don’t have clearly defined goals and plans will always be swayed by the people who do.
In other words (and I’ve said it so much, I’m sure it will be printed on my headstone) – THE PERSON WITH THE MOST CLARITY WINS!
So for all my peeps who are committed to a goal, to their financial goals, their body goals, their family goals, to their business and to something BIG they are doing in the world – learn to say “No” and you will….
Live Your Legacy.