I have one vow to make to myself today for this new year.
37 was crap if I’m being totally honest with you.
The whole year was like that. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful, I’m blessed and I deepened relationships and made new soul aligned ones as well, expanded my network of amazing humans and lived every day with a smile and deep joy.
AAAAND I sure let myself down – that is why it was not my best year.
And trust me – there is no worse person to let down than yourself.
And it gets worse!
Way worse when you realize you can’t hide from yourself, dodge your own emails, ignore your own texts, not answer your phone calls, skip out on your birthday, drive away from yourself. Difficult.
As it turns out you have to still feed, dress, walk your sorry ASSets around.
I’ve had a rough go lately, and I do take 100% responsibility for it, even if 100% of it was 100% out of my control.
It boils down to this. Integrity with my word with myself.
I haven’t served as many people with my message this year because I didn’t follow through with my word to myself. I haven’t gone ALL out only because I have so many other balls up in the air to keep happy that I totally didn’t do what I was supposed to do.
My juggling act seems to be impressive at times, but ultimately ends in failure when I’m not being true to myself.
Can you relate? Ya, I know you got your balls in the air and on the floor too!
Yet, I still laugh and love and even with those negative thoughts, I’m still choosing to move forward, take action on my dreams, while still sitting with the negative emotions that come, the sadness, the hurt and being okay with it.
I’ve had many moments of deep depression in my life. Almost all of it I can relate back to NOT staying in integrity with my word to myself. (Cause how can you be depressed or mad at yourself when you are in LOVE with yourself and kicking ASSets and living in total integrity with yourself and others? Plus, nothing is worse than rolling over and playing victim.)
And no, I’m not being hard on myself. I knew better. But I kept choosing to put others first – and yes, this includes that crazy thing where I care what people/society/family/friends/LinkedIn actually thinks of me.
Always others first. Keep the peace. Be the middleman. Don’t speak up. Don’t fight. Play nice with others. Don’t rock the boat. Don’t stand for something greater than yourself, because that makes people not like you. (Which again is crazy, cause who cares – you can’t control what people think anyway, this I need to really let go of!)
Some may not see it that way, but I knew that every time I tried to make someone else happy or be the peacemaker, I choose them over myself. I choose what they think about me over what I think of me and that is probably the worst SIN against yourself. ‘Cause HEAVEN FORBID that I ever stand up for myself really, and every time I broke those agreements with myself it ended up in a DISASTER.
And let’s just say, when your life feels like a disaster in one area of your life, every area of your life follows. It’s how the good ol’ law of attraction works.
And it can all be traced back to one thing. One simple thing.
Choosing Yourself. Choosing Yourself first.
Listening to yourself. Taking what you need. Being Loyal to your heart, your dreams, your body. Keeping your word to yourself.
Cause here’s the real deal. You’re gonna naturally be able to give more when you have all that personal sh*t taken care of.
When you can’t take care of yourself you are paralyzed and render yourself completely unable to give back. It sucks. That feeling/state completely sucks and ends up serving NO ONE. Plus you become grouchy and miserable.
One of my coaches, Katrina Ruth, said this week,
“Being 0.01% off alignment is being 100% off alignment.”
God did a fabulous job of showing me that this month! BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM! (I hit the floor laughing at one point, cause it seemed like a cosmic joke!) I’m a chiropractors dream I’m so much out of alignment with my soul somedays!
But when we realize we are off track by putting others thoughts of us, others ideas, others ideas of how business “should” go, and all the bullshit that society tells us on how to be a good person, “go to university, get married, have some kids, a mortgage and a J-O-B” and all the other completely crazy stuff that really has nothing to do with your soul’s purpose here, we need to course correct.
So many of my friends, women mostly, but men too, have put everyone else’s needs above our own, giving until we are a dry well and it’s hurting us, and it ends up serving no one in the long run.
We need to pull back into alignment. I need to pull back into alignment.
Alignment for those of you who don’t speak “woo-woo” is when your life is in flow, you are doing your souls work and not just doing it for your ego.
Ego Goals, although achievable, never satisfy.
Ego Goals are like showing off at cocktail parties, fun for the moment, but after leave you completely aware that you really know nothing and leave you with a hangover type depression that’s hard to shake.
Purpose-driven Passion Goals usually come along with problem-solving, still aware you know nothing (cause let’s face it, none of us really know anything!), but you can tap into unlimited knowledge & power from source, learn it and make a difference and that will fuel you more than any Ego Goal ever could.
Purpose-Driven-Passion-Soul-Work Goals will nourish and feed and grow you.
Choosing you means choosing your purpose-driven goals. Ego Goals will leave you with 50-letters behind your name by the time you are 50 and you really won’t even really know what half of the letters stand for. I know cause that’s my ego goal, and as of right now, I barely can remember what most of the 19 (going on 22) letters behind my name even mean half the time.
Letters behind your name, like a great resume, like trophy accomplishments (trophy wife, trophy career, trophy cars, trophy homes), like most things in life, really do mean f*ck all. (Not that I’m saying they are bad, in fact, the opposite, however, it’s about the fact they don’t really mean much at the end of the day if your soul is sucked dry…)
Doing your life in a way that serves your soul is the only way to do life.
So that’s my promise to myself this year: choose myself.
Over and over again.
PS. And, as for my birthday today, it’s pretty great. I have a beautiful 10-year old and 8-year old making me breakfast. I have my coffee. Facetimed my Mom & Dad. I’m ready to tackle the new year with my blue shovel! Cheers!