24 Questions You MUST ASK Your Aging Parents
I love to talk. So much, in fact that the song “You talk too much!” was played in my honor once…. at my wedding. Embarrassing as that may seem, sometimes talking does come in handy, especially when it’s time to bring up awkward conversations. I’m queen at this – no conversation is too awkward for me! After all, I talk to people about kicking the bucket ALL THE TIME! (Kinda an occupational hazard when you do estate planning and life insurance!)
It’s funny how we can spend hours scrolling through Instagram or Pinterest or tweeting about what we did 5 minutes ago or what we are about to do in the next 5 minutes, but we don’t spend 1 hour to stop, think about, write down or talk about what’s going to happen to all of us at some point in our lives. Nobody cares about that doughnut you are about to eat, the selfie you just took or who got booted off The Amazing American Survivor Idol Race (is that still on TV?), but your family does care about you and you care about them (or at least maybe we should….)
Let’s face it, we would rather talk about anything with our parents then go down the road of discussing estate planning matters or discussing the inevitable. We are scared of the “d” word and we think that talking about it will make it a reality or that lightning will strike us because we brought up the subject and somehow we still don’t think it will happen to us!
And do you notice that estate planning matters only come to light when someone close dies or becomes diagnosed with a terminal illness? Why don’t we talk about the important stuff while we are still healthy and in a positive frame of mind versus when we are in an emotional state?
On the day the doctor sits you down and tells you, “you have cancer”, do you really want to begin planning at that point or spend time with family and focus on recovery and know you had planned this all when you were in a happy healthy state versus being forced into it?
I talk to so many seniors (age 60-85) on a daily basis asking for life insurance, and I will tell you that most people have NO CLUE what is going on with their money at that age. I think they kinda just throw up their hands in the air and give up. Probably because they don’t know what they want, or if they do, they don’t know how to accomplish what they want to accomplish.
Here’s the thing, the law is not always in your favour when you die intestate (without a will) and trust me when I say this gets even more complicated for second marriages and trying to keep some things separate and fair for adult children. (By the way, there are fabulous and easy ways to deal with this, it just involves some pre-planning and an amazing advisor {like me 😉 } and you can get assets passed through even without going through probate or passing through the estate.)
So save yourself the guilt and grief now. Save yourself the fights with your siblings and step-family. Book a date with both your parents or one-on-one, go for brunch or grab a coffee and have the “talk” and take my PDF that I created just for you from below and get in the conversation.
P.S. I need to do a smack down to some of you thinking right now that talking about money is a TABOO subject! It is not! Even if you were raised that it is! You need to find a way to get answers to these questions for your aging parents, otherwise, you will be left in the dark and it is far more sad to have had the option to do this while things are good and not have done so. Trust me, so many good things can come of these conversations! Peace is a beautiful thing!
P.P.S. I think it is so sad that we live in one of the richest countries in the world and have worked so hard for our wealth only to have it fought upon or handed to the government in taxes upon our deaths from poor planning. Regardless what age you are, it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY as a person living one of the greatest and wealthy countries in the world, where tools, resources and amazing planners are available, to be able to create a legacy, plan and direct where and how your hard earned money goes when you die. 56% of Canadians DO NOT have wills…. start there…. make sure you have a will. OK – RANT OVER!
BOTTOM LINE: Take time to have a serious conversation with your parents about their legacy and what they want to leave behind. I promise you will be glad you did. If you are the ‘aging parent’ then be proactive and tell your kids the answers to these questions. Either way – GET IN THE CONVERSATION!
